My Maple Syrup Meltdown...

I find myself with my head down on the table...
My senses overwhelmed by the sweet smell of maple syrup... Oh gosh I am probably covered in leftover syrup now...

I finally have the will power to look up....
Just twenty minutes ago I was at a beautiful place.  The band was playing I was lost in the words... "Lord I need you...every hour I need you!"  I felt empowered, transfixed on the beauty, thankful for the life He has blessed me with.

Now I find myself in a rage and consumed by frustration of the moments that just occurred.  I hear my words echoing in my head and consuming my thoughts, "How many times do I have to tell you to the leave the cat alone!"  "Stop chasing your sister..."  "No you are not done picking that up, you just moved it two inches..."

It is overwhelming...how quickly I can go from a place of peace to a place of complete frustration and desperation.  I realize how I have traveled from Point A (the peaceful, has her eyes fixed on Jesus Mackenzie) to Point B (the Mackenzie who I feel isn't me and I hate).

The guilt sets in as I think about how can I just lose sight of God and His purpose for my breathing so quickly!!!  I don't know about you, but with me, sometimes after realizing how I have traveled from Point A to Point B so quickly I become more frustrated with myself and instead of quickly falling back into my usual self I usually get worse!  The frustration can consume me for a moment and comes pouring out, projecting onto whom ever or whatever is around me.  It could be a kid, a cat, my husband, heck this time it was the PEANUT I felt under my foot while my head was on the table.  "HOW LONG HAD THAT BEEN THERE!"  Screamed in my mind.

Don't get me wrong... I am not flying off the handle screaming and belittling any of them.  BUT, if I was in their shoes I would be hurt and this is not how they should be treated.
THEN I THINK ...If I were in God's shoes...
LIGHTBULB...and that is where I turn the corner.

I have to remember that He loves me unconditionally...no matter what I act like, what I accomplish, what I remember, what I forget...  He sees the same perfect woman who He has placed in this exact spot to live irreplaceable role in His story.  

Now I have that same song singing in my head, "Lord I need you, every hour I need you..." this time with a touch of desperation and a weak but thankful smile.  He knew this moment of reality would set in this morning as everything boiled over after church.  I really do need Him, every second of the day.  I want to play this irreplaceable role in His story, but the only way to do that is remembering how He sees me.  Then, look to those around me with His eyes.  In those moments of fury and frustration I need to break from the swirl of self-pity and loathing and look straight to Him.
He knows me and I know Him...He knew I needed that reminder today.